YOU [and All Peoples, Animals, Vegetables, Minerals and Others Unknown] are Cordially Invited to Join with the Royal Family of the Most Serene and Fresh Gnomedom of Barbaria in Celebrating a Special Inaugural Jubilee to Honor the Unexpectedly Early Arrival of the Heavenly Apocalyptic MILLENNIUM and the accompanying RETURN TO PARADISE ON EARTH...
WHERE?!
...wherever You may happen to Be, but especially at the Barbarian Royal Court (also called TWIN LAKES Ct., in Upstairs Downtown TWIN LAKES, CT, front door around back, very close by Taconic Village Green and Post Office, at the end or beginning of Twin Lakes Road [#557!] -- or just drive 3 miles up Taconic Road from the blinker on US 44 east of Salisbury Village) and also, if the weather permits celestial observations, on neighboring hilltops...
WHEN?!
...beginning punctually whenever You like, but especially on the Monday after Easter, MARCH 31, 1997, an hour before sunset (say around 5 PM) and continuing until midnight of the following night, April 1, while maintaining, not too religiously, the Schedule of Observances below...
WHY?!
...just for the fun of it, but also to mark as precisely as possible the 2000th Anniversary of the Historical Birth of Christ and the much anticipated start of the Thousand-Year Heavenly Kingdom (Revealing the Divinity of Humanity), as explained in greater detail at item 10 of "Jubilee".
SO?
...so be there at all costs, at least in spirit and preferably in person, and bring champagne, angel cake, caviar, nuts or whatever -- especially whatever -- after all, this is heaven...
SCHEDULE OF OBSERVANCES
MONDAY, MARCH 31
5:00 to 5:30 PM -- Foregathering of the early birds in preparation for trip to Sawchuk Hill (if the weather is promising) in order to witness THE FINAL SUNSET OF THE OLD MILLENNIUM.
6:18 PM -- MOMENT OF THE LAST SUNSET OF THE OLD MILLENNIUM.
6:47 PM -- THE END OF CIVIL TWILIGHT marks the arrival of the PROBABLY BEST HOUR OR SO FOR VIEWING COMET HALE-BOPP as it makes its own final appearance in the night sky before perihelion. Anyone already on Sawchuk or any other WNW-facing hill may want to remain there for this. (Look in the West-Northwest around 26 degrees above the horizon.)
10:14 PM -- MOMENT OF PERIHELION OF HALE-BOPP (not viewable) is evidently the cosmic herald of the true Millennium and a good starting point for the final countdown to midnight and the great transformation -- which arrives only 106 minutes later in this part of the world. (The several events occur even closer together elsewhere on the earth, but that's another story.)
11:59 PM -- LAST MINUTE AND FINAL 60-SECOND COUNTDOWN TO THE NEW MILLENNIUM. (Some shamelessly early birds will twitter or crow that local solar midnight has actually already occurred a full minute before this, at 11:58 PM, and we have not figured out what to do with them. What irony, what poetry, what justice!)
TUESDAY, APRIL 1
12:00 MIDNIGHT -- NEW MILLENNIUM ARRIVES! Dancing in the streets we'd think.
1:34 AM -- FIRST MOONRISE OF NEW MILLENNIUM. (Excursions to COOPER HILL for this and the following sky events?)
4:30 to 5:00 AM -- ANOTHER POSSIBLE VIEWING OF HALE-BOPP, which has passed the sun, completing its period and beginning a new outbound journey, since last evening's viewing. (In North-Northeast now and only 10 degrees above horizon.)
5:08 AM -- THE DAWN OF A NEW AGE!
5:36 AM -- THE SUN RISES ON A NEW MILLENNIUM.
6:39 AM -- HIGH MOON....
This concludes the essential agenda. Celebrants are invited to stay on, however, to luxuriate in the first full day of paradise together by all means and by any or every plausible definition. In addition to the scheduled events, continuing below, there are a number of recommended but unscheduled local treats including:
CONTINUED DISPORTMENT AND PARTYING ON THE VILLAGE GREEN (BRING STUFF).
SWIMMING IN THE BATHTUB, WATER PERMITTING, WITH HARMLESS LITTLE SNAKES.
CHANNELING BARCAROLE CANOE TOURS OF THE BACK CANALS OF LOWER TWIN LAKES.
TOP OF THE SCHENOB: PEEK HIGHLIGHTS OF HIDDEN FORGOTTEN SPIRALING BROOK.
& POSSIBLY A MORE LEISURELY TOUR OF THE SECRET AMAZON OF NORTH AMERICA.
THE OLDEST WORKING DATED STATE-LINE MONUMENT IN THE WORLD? (1803 STONE)
TRULY GREAT WALKS AND RIDES IN ALL DIRECTIONS BOTH ON AND OFF THE ROAD.
MUSIC AND POETRY MIGHT HAPPEN TOO OR A WATERFALL OR A HACK OR SOMETHING.
...Scheduled Events Continue:
(Still TUESDAY, APRIL 1)
11:48 AM -- MOON SET.
12:00 NOON -- FIRST HIGH NOON OF NEW MILLENNIUM. (Some say actually 11:58 AM.)
6:19 PM -- FIRST SUNSET OF NEW MILLENNIUM.
6:48 PM -- TWILIGHT ENDS AND HALE-BOPP MAY BE VISIBLE AGAIN (in West-Northwest 26 degrees above horizon) during the next hour.
11:59 PM -- COUNT DOWN TO END OF FIRST PERFECT DAY BEGINS.
12:00 MIDNIGHT -- END OF FIRST FULL 24-HOUR, PERFECT DAY OF NEW MILLENNIUM. You don't have to leave, since we expect to be partying for at least another week, right through the 100th day of Christmas (Thursday, April 3), the succeeding Sabbaths of all the major religions and daylight savings time (Sunday, April 6), and indeed right up to if not into the new moon (Monday, April 7)...which is "coincidentally" Day 999 of the countdown to the "Real" Millennium (1/1/2000)... and this by now already fully functional heavenly paradise, if indeed we've caught it right, is expected to continue uninterrupted in any case for at least a full 1000 years (though we believe forever is more likely since why stop?)....
And please don't leave the party -- if you do decide to leave -- without first finding and accepting your free, limited-edition millennium announcement and keepsake, a collectors' item in the making. (This is the same document as the already much coveted Groundhog Day Press Release, the full text of which appears in the Groundhog Day Press Release, but with an important difference: your physical copy will be one of only a thousand in existence -- a cool, round millennium -- and it will bear, indeed it already bears, its own unique serial number between 1 and 1000 for authentication.)
Still if you should forget, or can't attend, no problem: just send your SASE to Box A1, Taconic CT 06079, and we'll be happy to mail your keepsake to you anyway, no charge, as long as they are still available.
Hope to see you all there. And best wishes in every case.
Sincerely,
HRH Moe Chinlander, MD, I, King
HRH Chameleon Rind, MD, I, King
HRH Helicon Redman, MD, I, King
Welcoming Committee (on behalf of the entire Royal Family)